i remember on my old blog, i posted a video of Jeff Dunham, one of my fave comedians… well, i found out that not alot of people know any standup comedians, other than the famous ones (Eddie Murphy, Jerry Sienfeld, Bernie Mac, Chris Rock & Richard Pryor).. so i might start something like an “Introducing” series… so today we start with the first piece of this segment…

 Introducing: Demetri Martin..

 You can check his website if u want, but i don’t think the videos work properly cos they’re Quicktime and u can’t control the buffering and playing of them… anyways, i love this comedian cos he reminds me of Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg, Jerry Sienfeld & Stephen Lynch… he has real-life observations (like Sienfeld) but he doesn’t exaggerate the story or observations and uses one-liners (like Wright & Hedberg) and he sometimes uses background music or songs for his jokes (a tiny little bit like Lynch, but without the rhyming and the subjects are random) and everything’s easy to imagine… what’s fun about this guy is that he has his friends and family helping him out with his shows and performances… If you download his Comedy Central special, near the end of the show, he has his friends dressed up to help you imagine “the place where his jokes come from” which made it more hilarious, the way they come out and interact with him is great… he’s cool and calm but the punchlines are obvious…

Examples of his jokes:

“Swimming is a confusing sport… sometimes you do it for fun… other times you do it to NOT DIE… sometimes i don’t know why i’m swimming… so i have to go by the outfit: Pants: uh oh.. Bathing Suit: okay… Naked: We’ll See..”

“I was in a department store… riding the escalator… and i tripped… i fell down the stairs for an hour and a half..”

btw, you should start a compilations album called “Swair Introduces” on your iTunes cos after every “Introducing” post, i’ll be adding an audio or video link to something i love about the artist/comedian… so here’s a song by him, featuring his friend Will Forté.. or Robo-Will as Demetri calls him… this is called The Personal Information Waltz (7 minutes and 12 seconds of funniness, just click on the link and save the track)… Demetri tells the jokes and plays the keyboard and Will adds the crazy singing musical component to the song…

i hope you like this series and you enjoy all the audio clips that you can download
 UPDATE: A Demetri Martin Video.. check it out! (Warning: the two jokes posted before the video are mentioned in this video but with a different wording)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1ExCUr5cM8]

A friend of mine sent me this through Facebook, so i’m just answering it here for the sake of answering it… i’m bored and the questions are amusing and weird… and u guys can use this if u don’t have anything to post… 

1.Ever been given an engagement ring?

Yes

2. Longest friendship?

22 years, my youngest aunt.

3. Last gift you received?

Flowers from a student.

4. How many times have you dropped your cell? 

You mean “how many times have i NOT dropped my cell?”

5. When was the last time you worked out?

A few nights ago… i was bored.

6. Thing you spent a lot of money on recently?

Clothes and new bag for when i start school again.

7. Last food you ate?

A tiny Toblerone… yum.

8. First thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Eyes & smile (yes, i can be shallow sometimes!) & sense of humor.

9. One favorite song?

“Save Room” by John Legend.

10. Where do you live?

Where do YOU live?

11. Cell phone service provider:

MTC

12. Favorite Designer:

Elie Saab

13. Longest job ever had:

Big Sister

14. Do you own a pair of dice?

No… why should i?

15. Do you prank call people?

no, it’s a tiny itsy bitsy teeny weeny immature..

16. Last wedding attended?

December

17. First friend you’d call if you won the lottery:

The Twirlies

18. Last time you attended mosque?

i prefer to pray at home

19. How old are you?

22 years old

20. Biggest rumor you’ve heard?

that i liked cheese.. i hate cheese..

21. What do you want to drive?

the Aston Martin Vantage… even though i’m not a huge fan of sports cars lol 

22. Where’s your favorite place to eat with friends?

Pizza Hut.. we go crazy there basically…

23. Can you cook?

yea.. just don’t ask WHAT i can cook..

24. What car do you drive?

a Mazda 6

25. Favorite plant?

Random exotic flowers… nothing specific…

26. Last time you cried?

last night…

28. Thing you like most about yourself?

i’m a spontaneous drama queen… helps my writing..

29. Thing you dislike most about yourself?

I’m a spontaneous drama queen… doesn’t help ME..

30. Longest shift you have worked at a job?

22 years…

31. Favorite movie?

The LadyKillers (i’m a Tom Hanks fan)

32. Can you sing?

Alone in my room…. in general? NO..

33. Last concert?

Never been to a concert

34. Last kiss?

wtf?

35. What color are your eyes?

brown

36. Who knows your darkest secret?

nobody.

37. Last movie seen?

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

38. Thing you never leave home without?

My cell… and my iPod…

40. Do you like Chinese food?

No

42. Is your room clean?

no

43. Laptop or desktop computer?

Laptop

44. Favorite comedian?

Dane Cook, Demetri Martin, Gabriel Iglesias… many more

45. Do you smoke?

HELL NO

46. Sleep with or without clothes?

wtf?

47. Who sleeps with you every night?

nobody

48. Long distance relationships work?

i don’t know..

49. How many times have you been pulled over by the police?

never

50. Pancakes or French toast?

both

51. Do you like coffee?

no

52. How do you like your eggs?

scrambled & golden

53. Do you believe in astrology?

no

54. Last person you talked to on the phone?

i don’t remember.. i don’t use my cell so much..

55. Last person on your missed call list?

Jax

56. What was the last text message you received?

some random message from an idiot.

57. McDonalds or Burger King?

both are nice..

58. Number of pillows?

4

59. What are you wearing right now?

top and pants (how typical can u get?)

60. Pick a lyric, any lyric or song?

can’t think of any..

61. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?

i don’t like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches… just jelly sandwiches.. strawberry to be exact…

62. Can you play pool?

no

63. Do you know how to swim?

sorta..

64. Favorite ice cream?

bareed faris.. lemon, strawberry, chocolate and mango all together..

65. Do you like maps?

no… i have NO sense of direction..

66. Tell me a random fact about yourself:

i can go through bouts of depression and nobody would know…

68. Ever attended a theme party?

yes

69. What is your favorite season?

Spring

70. Last time you laughed at something stupid?

today..

71. What time did you wake up this morning?

10:00 AM

72. Best thing about winter?

comfy jackets, hot chocolate and my heater..

73. Last time a cop gave you a ticket?

never

74. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

i have no idea

76. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated?

Overrated

77. What are you doing this weekend?

Family gatherings, going out… stuff..

78. Who’s your best friend?

no specific person, just the twirly group lol

80. How old are your pets?

they’re fish… how should i know?

81. What color is your backpack?

no matter what grade i was in, my backpack was either black or dark blue…

84. Is the bathroom open?

no… you need it?

87. Are you smiling?

i don’t know!

88. Do you have on eyeliner?

no..

89. Do you miss someone right now?

i’m always missing someone.

90. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

the USA

91. Beverage of choice?

pineapple juice

92. Are you in high school?

no

93. Do you have a crush?

not that i know of..

94. What is your favorite nickname for yourself?

Swair

95. What color is your bathing suit?

i don’t own a bathing suit…

96. What’s your favorite brand of water?

Brand? uhm…. no. (did u know that Evian spelled backwards is Naive?)

97. Did you go on vacation last month?

nope

98. Have you ever been on a cruise?

no

99. Do you have a sister?

no..

ok… now, whoever u are, DO THIS… if you’re bored and feel like posting…

YES, I, AM, OFFICIALLY, THE, GRADUATE!

i was so happy to see my Maydani & Seminar grades, that i started bouncing and screaming and doing basic girly-happiness-stuff… My mom looked at me in a weird way and asked “what is WRONG with YOU?!” and i shrieked out my grade, and she goes “ah… now i get the bouncing” LOL moms are seriously hilarious!
anyways, i’ll let my grades speak for themselves… I’m so happy I’m posting a picture of the whole friggin’ page lol… TAADAAA:

 oh, and there was this note on the main student page that said “You Are Not Enrolled In Any Current Courses” and i’m laughing my head off at a SCREEN and saying weird things like “i graduated you moron screen thing, you! NO MORE CLASSES NEEDED!! waaahahahahahaha..” yes, i, unfortunately, laugh like that…

ma agool ila 3iqbalkum kilikum, you poor students
and enshalla you all feel just as happy as i am today

Okay, so the other day, Princess and Jax came over to my place, and Jax had her harddisk with her, so i took the Borat movie and a bunch of series i’ve been wanting to see..
so here’s the rundown:

* Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

This movie is so disgustingly FUNNY LOL (emphasis on the disgusting part lol)
it’s appalling and eye-opening and oh my god-ful basically.. the only phrase i kept repeating the whole time i was watching the movie is “HOLY SHIT!!”

* The Class

My new F.R.I.E.N.D.S-like addiction, it’s CUTE with a capital C, U, T, E and all the characters are loveable and funny.. my favorite characters are Ethan and Kat, played by (John Ritter’s son) Jason Ritter and Lizzy Caplan (i used to love her character in Related, but this character is funnier and PLUS she’s a sarcastic photographer, so she’s my kinda gal lol)

* Heroes

i LOVE this show, it keeps u on the edge of ur chair and u’ll want to watch the next episode immidiately and find out what happens next… and i love the way all the characters start to find out about their talents, they don’t get all romantic and start to think of ther powers as powers.. they’re more realistic in a way like “we’re just humans, so i must be going crazy if i have a power!”… so it’s very interesting… i love all the characters and they’re all equally interesting and mysterious..

* Ugly Betty

Also cute, but in a way that doesn’t make it too girly… it may be about fashion and it may seem The-Devil-Wears-Prada-ish, but there’s also a crime-mystery sort of thing involving one of the characters so boys can watch it too lol

* D!rt

In this series, u’ll see Monica Geller in a whole different light, Courteney Cox is nowhere near “cute” in this show and it’s fun lol
it’s a vulgar, predator-like show that shows Hollywood in a non-romantic light.. it’s dirty, it’s sneaky, and it’s pure dog-eat-dog… the way she gets stories and runs the magazine is pretty cool, she doesn’t take any crap from anyone, even her bosses.. so it’s a pretty good show..

and the shows i haven’t watched yet are Studio 60 and Weeds.. but i’m getting to those soon enshalla lol

that’s the first thing i did when i saw this article in the newspaper…

now, i don’t usually get religious or political on my blog, but this is insane :/

personally, i’m not the kind of person who’d actually care about the difference between Sunni and Shee3i… i’m a shee3iya, but i have alot of sunni friends and they’re just great… and i don’t think it’d make a difference if they announce that they want to be shee3a, or if i have a friend who’s shee3iya and says that she wants to be sunni, because it’s all about THEM, not the sect they choose, and in the end it’s their choice and it all stays between them and God…

at the end of the day, aren’t we all muslims? isn’t that what we write in the passport next to “Religion”? don’t we all pray to one God? believe in one prophet? pray 5 times a day?

then why the “fitna”? why the ”hating” and “cursing”? 

i don’t get it. :/