All The Jokes/ Lists/ Quotes I Love:

1- There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 10:00 news. A
news reporter was in the foreground, giving a report. In the
background there was a man and a bridge.

“I’ll bet you 50 bucks that the guy jumps off of the bridge,”
the brunette said to the blonde. “Okay, it’s a bet.” A moment
later, the man did jump off the bridge and the blonde pulled
out 50 dollars. “I can’t take it.” “You have to, it was a bet.”
“I really can’t take it. You see, I watched the 6:00 news and
saw him jump then.” The brunette was feeling very humble at
this point.

And the blonde said… “Well, I watched it too, but I didn’t
think he’d jump twice!”

2- Cool Bumper Stickers:
-A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
-Horn broken, watch for finger.
-If at first you don’t succeed, try not to look astonished.
-Jesus loves you… Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
-I’m just driving this way to piss you off.
-Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
-Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
-Make it idiotproof and someone will make a better idiot.
-He who laughs last thinks slowest!
-There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
-Assassins do it from behind.
-If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
-Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
-I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
-Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

3- Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a
good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later,
Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up
at the sky and tell me what you see!”

“I see millions of stars,” Watson said. “What does that tell
you?” Holmes asked.

Watson replied. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically,
I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful.
Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

“Watson, you idiot,” he said. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

4- Qoutes:
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of I almost had a
psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met OK, so what’s
the speed of dark?
- Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good…
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
- Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

5- A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old-fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he sticks it down his pants.

Of course, the cashier spots him on the way out and says, “Hey! Is that a record in your pants?”

The man replies, “Well, it may not be a record but I haven”t heard any complaints.”

hope u guys like :p