Ozzy Osbourne has had two smiley face tattoos etched on his kneecaps so he can talk to them when he’s feeling lonely.
The rocker told US chat show host Conan O’Brien: “I hate being alone. I suffer from loneliness. So, I just got two little faces on my knees.
“When I’m pissing people off they don’t want to talk to me so I can always pretend they’re alive and talk to them.
“My son (Jack) has just had it done - it’s like a family tradition, an Osbourne family tradition.”
Ozzy also revealed that he keeps failing his driving test.
He said that on one occasion before he gave up drugs and alcohol, he passed out after doing a three-point turn.
Sometimes he would have to be taken home after doing a test “in a police van.”
He said he has taken the test “about four or five times” in England, “but, I was so stoned and loaded that…(I failed), but I can drive great.”
True Story
This is NOT a joke
Russian scientists claim a beating on the naked buttocks with a cane is the perfect way to cure everything from depression to alcoholism.
Researchers at Novosibirsk say caning releases endorphins, the body’s natural ‘happy chemicals’, Izvestia reports.
Endorphins lead to feelings of euphoria, a reduction of appetite, the release of sex hormones and an enhancement of the immune response.
They also have a similar effect on pain to drugs such as morphine and codeine, but do not lead to addiction or dependence.
The scientists, headed by Biologist Dr Sergei Speransky, claim corporal punishment similar to that doled out regularly in British schools in the last century helps people overcome addiction and depression.
Dr Speransky, of the Novosibirsk Institute of Medicine, said: “The treatment works. I’m not sadistic, at least not in the classical sense, but I do advocate caning.”
The scientists recommend a standard treatment course of 30 sessions with 60 of the best, delivered on the buttocks by a person of average build.
Dr Marina Chuhrova who also took part in preparing the report said she had 10 patients she caned regularly.
She added: “At first they didn’t like it, but when they started to feel the benefits they kept asking for more.”
The Russian team says they are now charging for the caning sessions getting £57 per patient for a standard treatment.
The Ramblings Just Won’t STOP!
Boredom in a Phonetics class is pretty productive if you have a blog… here’s what was going on in my mind the whole time:
I AM THE MILKY MOO OF KNOO KNOO!
that is the upgraded version of the original “Milky Cow of Knowledge”. I thought this up while waiting to class to start.
Now we’re in the middle of class and i wish i could break my pen (i’m so close to doing that) in half, and then shove each half up the doc’s nose while wearing gloves that have been sanatized thoroughly… (if you haven’t guessed, i’m talking about Barney), bcos he does this weird but totally disgusting snorting noise that is really reallly revolting cos it’s LOUD! i swear, i’m a firm believer that his sniffer is broken!!
AND he has to do it everytime he thinks he’s made a point. A girl is trying to participate or ask a question and he can’t hear her over his own snorting.
AAAAARGH! i registered this class with another doc while AVOIDING this dude. But, surprise surprise, KU had to do the obligatory task of Screwing Us Over… and Ruining Our Lives by changing the professors that you’ve been dying to take classes with… *sighs* and they wonder why i don’t want to finish my Masters and PhD here, huh?
I swear, there’s no place like home, but NOT when they screw u in acedemic terms… (lol that was a weirdly funny sentence)…
Just so you people know, the latest curse word is: PIZUUJ!
as in: Stop being such a Pizuuj!
or: Barney is the first species of Pizuuj.
And this new word means (and it applies to males and females):
“Pizuuj is: Clumsy rotten mexican food in a diaper covered with flies.”
and in other words: ” a Pizuuj is an annoying nag, fugly fug dumbass, and asshole, butt head, dumb bitch.”
try using it once a day, it helps relieve stress! 
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