There are a lot of stupid laws all over the world but three quarters of them are believed to be in the US. Look up your state if your in the US. Then check out England and Iceland:

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

ARKANSAS:

A man can legally beat his wife, but no more than once a month. (wow, thank god it’s only once a month!)

CALIFORNIA:

In L.A., a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than 2 inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap. (aham shay!) It is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

FLORIDA:

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons. (Daymn! there goes my Sunday afternoon off!)

GEORGIA:

In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road. (hehehehe…) In Columbus, it is illegal to sit on one’s porch in an indecent position. (thanx for warning me.)

ILLINOIS:

In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the Opera. (7asafa!) According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American.” In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet. Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister, according to an Illinois state law. A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day. (u don’t want that to happen!)

INDIANA:

Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend. (tut tut tut tut)

IOWA:

In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife. (cos that would be just plain rude!)

KENTUCKY:

Kentucky Law, It is illegal to carry an ice-cream cone inside your pocket. (oookayyyy?)

MASSACHUSETTS:

It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license. North Andover prohibits its citizens from carrying “space guns.” In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas. (jingle bells, jingle bells….)

MICHIGAN:

A state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband. Under state law, dentists are officially classified as “mechanics.” In Clawson, it is legal for a man to “sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.” (is he happy or what?!)

MINNESOTA:

It is illegal to tease skunks. (that’s another hobby down the drain!) Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard.

MONTANA:

In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail. A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.

NEBRASKA:

If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, his or her parents may be arrested. It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license. (Thank U God!) Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. (cool!)

NEW JERSEY:

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law. (I hate it when that happens…)

NEW YORK:

In Saten Island, it is illegal for a father to call his son a faggot or queer in an effort to curb girlie behavior. In NYC, “it is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose and wiggling the extended fingers of that hand.”(so how are we gonna greet each other?)

OHIO:

In Columbus, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday. In Oxford, it is illegal for a woman to disrobe in front of a man’s picture. In Youngstown, it is illegal to run out of gas. (oops!) In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.

OKLAHOMA:

Whale hunting is strictly forbidden. People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (huh?)

OREGON:

The town of Hood River prohibits the act of juggling without a license.

PENNSYLVANIA:

“Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.” (piece by piece, huh?)

RHODE ISLAND:

It’s illegal to throw pickle juice on a trolley.

TENNESSEE:

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. (but it’s much more easier?!?!) In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.(good.) In Memphis, it’s against the law for a woman to be driving a car, unless there is a man walking or running in front of the car, waving a red flag to warn oncoming cars and pedestrians. (I wonder how my dad would look like.)

TEXAS:

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned because it contains a formula for making beer at home. It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (but i like it when someone milks my cow!!!)

UTAH:

A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife in his presence. (woohoo!)

VERMONT:

It is illegal to deny the existence of God. It is illegal to whistle underwater. (but I love whistling underwater!) Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

VIRGINIA:

In Richmond, it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee. In Lebanon, Virginia it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.

ICELAND:

It’s against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland.

ENGLAND:

In Cheshire, England, UK it is legal to shoot, with a crossbow, any Welsh person inside the City walls after 11pm. (thank god I ain’t welsh!) In Liverpool there is a law making it illegal for a man to dress or undress a department store female mannequin, if children are present. Also, it is against the law for children to look under a mannequin’s dress. In England, stores cannot sell Bibles on Sunday, but they are allowed to sell pornographic magazines.

Hope you liked that lol… and Purg, STOP MILKING OTHER PEOPLE’S COWS

Awal shay, 3eedkum Mbaaaaarak!
Lately i’ve been trying to write stories and the ideas i get out are all very brief and all equally weird lol. I’m thinking waaay way ahead and i’m imagining movies and me walking on the red carpet and telling everybody how i was inspired by my brother peeing on me and how my parents cried with passion and pride and the whole ta’theer min el qusa every time i read one to them, and then some hot actor who isn’t insane, going out with older women, drinking and smoking as if he’s not gonna die because of them and is very very very hot for a reason and every one respects him and all (if you haven’t noticed, i’m talking about an IMAGINARY hot hot guy/actor/writer/great in bed/loves his mom/respects women/has a sense of humor/ stays in shape physically and mentally/will never cheat on you- kinda person)… where was i? Oh yea, and then this hot actor guy who plays the lead in my movie comes over to me and takes me away from the lights and the journalists and tells me how much he loved the script and playing the lead and then we get married and have 10 kids, even if it’s painful bas i’m in love lol, and we live happily ever after…

Whoa, i kinda rambled on there…

Now wasn’t i talking about just THINKING UP stories, which might even remain stories. stories i’m gonna keep in my laptop and shall never see the inside of a bookshop or the surface of anybody’s coffee table… It’s funny really, all these loose thoughts are being thrown around and i’m not doing anything about it cos i KNOW they’re stupid…

Tell me what you think, these could be possible blockbuster hits if they’re made into movies
“… and so they spent the rest of the day trying to clean the car insurance guy’s guts off the parking lot with water bottles. The End.”

“… my life story? Okay. It was a dark and stormy night, and my mom was 32. I was born. And then when I was five I ate some dirt. That’s my life. The end.”

“Once I had a dream that my brother took over the world with his army of stuffed dinosaurs… it was nice in a freaky way… and we lived happily ever after… the end.”

“And I was all WHOA and he was all DUDE and I was all like WHOOSH and then he was like HOLY LLAMA and then he like died or something….I dunno…”

“… and the sun decided to become 7.5 thousand miles closer to the earth, and then the water evaporated and we all died. The end!!!”

“… so he ate cheese and then he got constipated so he took some Ex-Lax but he was allergic to chocolate so he died. The End.”

“Once upon a time there was a cow. It lived on a farm. It had sex with other cows, and created more cows. It ate and ate and ate. And then it died. The end.”

“How could there be a Bride of Darkness?? I can just see someone in that costume up at the altar next to a black hole and the preacher dude’s like, ‘Do you, uh… darkness… take … uh, the Bride of Darkness… to be your … really … uhm… really… dark… bride?’ and then he just kind of sits there being all black hole-ish and the dude’s like, ‘I’ll take that as a yes… Do you, Bride of Darkness, take… darkness… to be your … dark… husband… uhm … thingy?’ and she’s like, ‘I doooo—AAAAAAAAAA!!!’ and gets sucked into the black hole… and then everyone just goes to the reception to eat. The End.”

LOL, ok, i’ll stop now hehehehehehehe… but that was fun, you can say i’m a genius now if you want to :p

Be brave and creative and do me a favour: complete one of the stories (without PINGUINS INCLUDED… you know who you are :p) and e-mail them to me, then i’ll give the winner with the most creative story a prize
The deadline is on the 30th of Feb., you have plenty of time to write a short story, just have fun with any of the past story ideas and we’ll see who wins
This is just something for you to have fun with, and i can’t wait to read the stories you’ll send me ;p

Stupid people piss me off…

That last statement was supposed to be all i wanted to say, but then i stared at it for a little while and thought…”chena shwaya?” so here’s the rest:

Anyways, like i said, stupid people piss me off. They are the people who are involved with politics, pseudo-intellectuals which ZeeCu wrote about, and people who always state the obvious and keep doing it by repeating the same obvious statement over and over again by putting it in different forms (question, exclaimation, direct talk, an after-thought and a side-comment through-out a conversation). Such an example is when one of these people is trying to tell you that Wookies from Star Wars are their favorite characters, this is what happens:

“Wookiees are cool.”

“Wookiees are AWESOME!!!”

“Wookiees got it goin’ on!”

“Wookiees rock the house!”

Now, at this stage you want to tear your ear drums out
Another example is when somebody spills everything and then acts innocent… example: “Well, I certainly am smuggling illegal drugs from Mexico and carrying it in a metal case in my back pocket. Why do you ask?”

A famous example which you can see in the movie, Star Wars, Episode One. In a certain scene where Anakin SkyWalker invites his friends to his house, this is what i’m saying while pretending to be Anakin: “These are my friends, Mom! The old guy looks like a rapist, the droid’s probably a drug dealer and the girl’s most likely a hooker, but let’s invite them in for dinner anyways!”

And last but not least, BLONDES ARE NOT NESSECARILY DUMB! (but Paris Hilton is an exception… eew3)

The following is a list of things you can say to the stupid people who get on your nerves (and they don’t have to nessecarily be in one of the groups that i’ve mentioned):

For pseudo-intellectuals, i recommend:

*Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who really do.

*Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

*Wait… I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

*I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.

And for the stating-the-obvious group, and stupid people in general:

* I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.

* I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

* Never miss a good chance to shut up.

* Don’t they ever shut up on your planet?

And before i go, leave you with a nice, evil quote you can use whenever you see fit during your life:

If you start a fire for a man, he’ll be warm for a night. If you SET a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Hey, i found these really funny adult jokes (funny to me, most likely… me and my weird sense of humor :p) and i thought you’d like to read them too hehehe

But as i said, they’re ADULT! So, please, if you have any children near you, tell them not to leave the room and let’em hear the jokes HAHA
Enjoy!

TURNER BROWN:

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, ” 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy faints.

The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, “What’s wrong with you?”

The small guy says, “Excuse me, but what did you say?”

The big dude looks down and says, ” 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said ‘Turn around’!!!”

STRANDED AND SUNDAYS:

A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.

The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the women grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day and they allowed him to have Sundays off.

One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.

The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in the boat. As he got out the first guy said “Oh my God buddy, am I ever glad to see YOU, To which the second guy responded “Well alright sweetie! It’s been a long time for me too.”

The first man exclaimed “Oh hell, there go my Sundays!”

SLOW TALKER:

These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy “How have things been going ? ” The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy “I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r.. i..e..d.” The first guy says in amazement “Hey! you don’t stutter any more.” “Y..e..s I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k.. s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r.” The first friend congratulates him on not stuttering anymore and asks why he is no longer engaged to his girlfriend.” “W..e..l..l m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i…t..t..i..n..g.. o..n h..e..r p..o…r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e..!” “Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?” asks the first friend. “W..e..l..l I s..p..o..k..e s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g. H..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s s..c..r..o..t..u..m!”

FASCINATE:

The teacher asked her students to use the word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence. Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word ‘fascinate’ so she called on him.

Johnny Seibert said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.”

Okay, now ur wondering where the 101 points are, right? Well, they were tooo long (it took me 4 pages on Word) so i posted them as a comment on this post, as soon as u click on the comments thingy, u’ll find that the first comment is by me, and then the 101 points are there :p

So it may look like a really short post, people, but the comments’ space is where the catastrophe is enjoy…